Posts Tagged ‘theatre’

>Today has been a difficult and tiring day. It didn’t start off well because I slept badly last night. I was really desperate to have a night of sleeping well, so as well as the Diazepam I usually take to try and quieten my head, I also took a Zopiclone. I don’t usually have Zopiclone. I had them pretty much every night for about 4 years, so got pretty immune to them, and my psych took me off them because obviously they are supposed to be short term drugs, but sometimes when I am having a lot of trouble sleeping my GP will give me 14, and I have a few from last time, so decided to take one. I thought it was making me sleepy, so I tried to sleep, but realised it actually hadn’t so got back up. In the end I did go to sleep, but it was kind of weird – I usually sleep quite well after taking Zopiclone – it may not send me to sleep very well, but it usually stops me waking up. But I woke up several times, and one time I woke up in a real panic – I was hallucinating (I hope) that lots of spiders had bungeed down from the ceiling and were crawling all over me. I am not actually scared of spiders, but I woke up in a panic convinced these spiders were crawling on me and switched on my light and was looking for them, and I remember looking up at the ceiling where they had all been (they hadn’t really, but I thought they had) and they had gone, so I thought they must be in my bed and in my pyjamas. And then I couldn’t find them so I turned off my light and went back to sleep. It was really quite surreal, because it felt so real, and I don’t normally have hallucinations. I am blaming the Zopiclone, but I don’t know why it should suddenly do that when I have taken it so many hundreds of times with no problems. I don’t take Zolpidem because that made me hear voices when I took it, but never experienced anything weird with Zopiclone before except going into a kind of dissociative period where I often do lots of things I don’t remember after, and that’s not too bad, except when I spend lots of money on crap. Anyway, I didn’t get enough sleep, and it was quite interrupted, and so I woke up exhausted.

I had to go out the house today (cue scary music). I had to go shopping with my mum. I don’t like shopping at the best of times, and currently is definitely not the best of times. But we had decided to go a couple of weeks ago as it was totally essential I got something to wear for the concert in 2 weeks (yes, the one I don’t want to be alive for). Town was packed, I was exhausted, and I really dislike clothes shopping. I don’t understand what is enjoyable about going into one shop, stripping off, trying on a couple of things that will probably look hideous, getting dressed again, going into another shop, repeat ad infinitum… Not fun. And looking in all of those mirrors just makes me feel shitty about myself. I did buy something, but don’t know if it will be any good or not. Ended up just having a mini melt down in Debenhams. I had been in there first, and then lots of other shops, and then my mum decided I should go back to Debenhams and get one of the personal shoppers to help me find something, because Debenhams is so bloody confusing. So I went back in, whilst she went off to another shop, and I just freaked out. I was exhausted and stressed and I just couldn’t cope and I felt like I was about to burst into tears and make a spectacle of myself, and just ended up perching on the edge of one of the display things on the floor trying not to cry. A sales assistant came over and asked if I was ok, and I obviously had no idea how to reply, so I think I said I wasn’t feeling well, so she got a stool from the shoe area for me to sit on, and I waited for my mum arrived and then just begged to go home.

Then we got home, and the house was absolutely freezing, and it turned out we had run out of oil. That always happens on a weekend, without fail. So the house was freezing and that just felt like the last straw and I just came upstairs and cried. I then put on lots of warm clothes and went downstairs as my dad had said he would light the fire. Typically the fire refused to light despite multiple attempts. So the house is bloody freezing, I am always cold anyway as I have shit circulation, and goodness knows when we will get more oil.

I seem to have resorted to comfort eating over the last couple of days, which is making me feel even more shit about myself. I am not eating loads and loads, but I wasn’t eating much at all really earlier in the week, and the last couple of days I have eaten more the amount I would usually eat and I feel shit about myself. Everything is wrong. Absolutely everything.

I have to go out yet again tomorrow, which I am dreading. I said months ago that I would go with T and his family to see something on in London. I didn’t know when it was on anyway, and had pretty much forgotten about it completely, and then got a text from him a couple of days ago reminding me it was this Sunday, and asking if I wanted to go there for lunch first. Naturally I didn’t want to go there for lunch – I hate eating at other people’s houses, and I didn’t even want to leave the house, but since his mum has bought the tickets there isn’t much I can do about that. So I have said I will just go over there for when they are leaving. Dreading having to keep up my happy mask for hours like that. I do not want to go out at all. I feel really stressed by everything at the moment – leaving the house feels like torture. Even getting out of my bed takes far more energy than I have.

The suicidal thoughts are overwhelming. There is lots of planning going on my head that I feel unable to stop, and actually don’t want to. This week has just been far, far too difficult, and there is no way I am putting up with another one like it. I have felt completely alone at the time I have most needed support, and every minute of every day has felt like agony. Nobody should have to live feeling like this.


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>More show stuff

>Been busy busy. Well actually I haven’t been that busy, but it feels like I have. Yesterday I had my flu jab, and then a show in the evening. On the way to getting my flu jab I mentioned to my mum that I probably shouldn’t have had my flu jab the week of the show, but the nurse who was doing the flu jabs scares me, and so I didn’t like to ask if I could rearrange it because I thought she would tell me off for wasting her time, so I had it done, and then got home, remembered that after my flu jab last year I couldn’t move my arm for 3 days, and got into a hysterical mess, panicking that I wouldn’t be able to move my dance, and therefore the dance would all be a disaster and thinking what a complete idiot I was. As it turned out it hasn’t actually been too bad – it was a bit sore to lift yesterday, but fine for dancing, and today it felt a lot better. So I was panicking needlessly, but that is my style I guess. Then I had a nap for an hour in the afternoon, and then went to the theatre. The show went pretty well last night, apart from a very funny moment in the scene before I go on, when the lead thought it was the ballet (during which he goes to get his make up redone for the scene after the ballet) and completely forgot he had another scene first, and so had gone downstairs to the make up people, and there was a good minute of stage time when he just wasn’t there, and the starkeeper just stood there polishing stars, and then everyone backstage heard this thundering up the stairs, and he dashed to the other side of the stage and walked on. Amazingly it couldn’t be heard from the audience apparently, but it was very loud, and very amusing backstage. Apart from that it was ok, although I think everyone felt a bit flat – not really sure why.

Today I had a rehearsal for my song for the concert I am doing in December, and then went straight to the theatre after that. It went quite well tonight – we had a particularly responsive audience in, although I have to say that they have all been fairly good, but they were particularly enthusiastic tonight. My back was hurting more tonight – it is really hurting quite a lot now. I had to take the tape off today that the physio had put on, as I couldn’t really be doing with getting it all wet yet again, and I didn’t think that it was really making that much difference anyway, but my back was definitely a lot worse tonight, so maybe it had been helping. My upper hamstrings/hips are still really tight – they seem to be getting worse. I can’t even get into flat splits on what is usually my good leg, and the place that is stopping me really shouldn’t be – that isn’t where doing the splits stretches you! So I am still doing them on my other leg, which I can just about still make it on. I think my body really needs a rest – it is just all seizing up on me. There are a couple of limbering classes next week at my dance school as it is half term, but I think I just need to rest.

Tomorrow I have a matinee as well as an evening performance, so will be at the theatre from about half 1 until after the evening show. There is no point in going out between the shows, as there will only be about 2 hours between the end of the matinee and the start of the evening performance, and getting out of costume and make up takes 20 minutes, then most people like to be there an hour and a half before the show to start getting ready, so that would leave 10 minutes out of the theatre, which obviously isn’t worthwhile! So I think people will just order food in – I can’t imagine anyone will bother going out. There is an aftershow party, but I don’t know whether I am going to be able to go or not. My parents are going to see the show tomorrow, and so they won’t want to wait around for too long after, and so I could just go for a little while, but then everyone pays £8 for the aftershow, to cover costs of food/drink etc, and it isn’t worth me paying that if I can only stay for an hour or less, and I would have no other way of getting home.

It is weird to think the show will be over tomorrow. I can’t quite decide how I feel about it. I think if I wasn’t injured I would be more upset, but I do know that my body really needs a rest, or my back is never going to get better. I will miss some of the people in the cast who I get on really well with, and I guess being on stage, but I know that even just a couple of weeks ago I really couldn’t be bothered with going to rehearsals. And I have been feeling fairly flat all week, despite performing etc. Other people seem all kind of hyper and excited, and I am just flat, and I can’t get that enthusiasm. Obviously I am pleased when it goes well, and I am definitely more comfortable being on stage and acting than I am just being me, but I just feel like I am missing that spark.

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>I am feeling quite pressured at the moment. Well, I have been for a few months actually. I am not sure what to do. It is about my future etc. Obviously people often ask me what I do, and I have to say nothing. They ask what I want to do and I say perform. Then sometimes they ask if I want to go to drama school and I say yes. They ask if I am applying. And that is where I am not sure. I have applied in the past, and had final recalls but not places. Getting a place on an accredited course at a drama school is tough – most of them take between 1% and 4% of applicants per year, so obviously it is stiff competition. But that isn’t really the issue. I don’t mind doing auditions – sometimes I even quite enjoy them, and if I don’t get a place I can reapply – that is almost the expected thing to do. The issue is if I got a place, realistically would I be well enough to take it? It is really long hours – 50 contact hours a week would be the minimum, and usually it would be a lot more than that. And a lot of pressure. And I think you really have to be pretty stable to cope. It isn’t unusual for people who have previously been fine to end up having breakdowns and having to leave. People assume that performing is just a nice, fun, light, easy thing to do, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

So every year I have the dilemma of whether I think I would be well enough to go the next September if I were to get a place, and therefore whether or not to apply. Last year I couldn’t – I was having all the problems with my voice, and so it didn’t even come up. But now that is resolved to a large extent I am back to not knowing what to do. There surely has to be a limit to how many years I can sit at home doing nothing, but when nothing has changed in terms of how I feel etc, how can I expect to be able to switch to doing something very demanding, with very long hours? My mum is taking it as a given that I will be applying for drama school this year. She keeps asking me if I have got my audition pieces sorted and if I have sent off my forms etc yet. My singing teacher who I saw in the summer for my voice asked if I was going to be applying when I saw her. The general expectation from people seems to be that I will apply, which is understandable really because you aren’t meant to just do nothing, and performing is the only thing I have ever wanted to do. But I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine being able to cope with it, but then will I ever be able to?

I am not getting any younger. If I did apply and get a place for next September, I would be 25 when I started. That isn’t that young. Ok for acting, starting to be quite old for musical theatre. Still ok, but definitely on the old side. Already too old for dance based musical theatre. So there is time pressure there. Everyone gives me the whole ‘you’re young, you can do whatever you want, you have your whole life ahead of you’ line, but that is only true to an extent with performing. And that is the only thing I have ever wanted to do. I just want to be better. I want to be able to cope with things in the way that everyone else does. I don’t want ‘could I cope with this?’ to be the thing running through my head at auditions. And it always is. It isn’t just the course. That would be a lot of work and very stressful of course, but there is more to it than that. It would mean moving out. Having to look after myself properly. Having to flat share with other people. That would be really hard. If there weren’t immaculately clean in the kitchen then I wouldn’t go near it, which could be a problem. There are so many things that could be a problem.

I don’t know what to do. Performing really is the only thing I have ever wanted to do. I was looking at prospecti from drama schools from when I was about 11, desperately wanting be 18 so I could go there. But by that time everything had gone wrong. And it has never been right since. If I can’t do this then I don’t know what I can do. It sounds really melodramatic, but if I am not going to achieve the only thing I have ever wanted to do then I really don’t see the point in being alive. There is a 1 week course the week after Carousel at one of the colleges in London that I was planning to do, but thinking about it terrifies me. Not the course itself as such, but being away, having to live with other people for the week, how I would cope etc. And if I can’t even cope with the thought of a one week course, then applying for 3 year courses seems fairly ridiculous. I really don’t know what to do. If I decide not to apply this year I don’t know how to explain it to people, and I also worry that I go through this every single year, and nothing ever actually changes, and I don’t know how it ever will. I could tell my mum, and anyone else who asks, that I am not going to be applying this year, but ultimately that isn’t actually going to solve anything. I am still going to be left in this weird limbo where I can’t cope with doing the only thing that I have ever wanted to do, and can’t see how I can change things to make myself able to do it. And if this is going to be my life then I don’t want it.

I honestly don’t know what to do. Do I a) get on with it and do the applications and auditions and see how I get on and then decide (expensive due to audition fees but an option) b) Force myself to do this 1 week course in a few weeks and see how I cope with that, even though the thought of it currently absolutely terrifies me. There is an alternative 4 day course that I could commute to daily, but to an extent that would defeat the object as living away is a large part of it, plus the other college is somewhere I would want to apply to – this one would just be doing it to work on skills, c) accept that I am not going find a miracle cure in 11 months and leave it all for this year and maybe every other year too, and accept that realistically this isn’t something that I am going to be able to do, or d) other. Please reply with your thoughts. I really genuinely would like as many opinions as possible, and what you think I should do – a, b, c, or a suggestion you have? So even if you don’t usually comment, I would really appreciate it if you would reply to this. You can even comment if you don’t have an account – I have anonymous commenting enabled. Thank you.

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>Another day

>Yes, gaining weight definitely still bothers me. Admittedly it was only 0.2 of a pound, which rationally I can see doesn’t really even count, but it does count, and it does bother me. So that confirms yesterday’s theory that losing weight doesn’t seem to really matter, ie it doesn’t make me feel any better, but gaining weight definitely makes me feel worse.

The rehearsal last night was actually ok. I really wasn’t in the mood, even after I had been there for a while. An hour or so in I was just thinking how much I wanted to go home – I had just been doing some of my acting scenes, and was warming up for the ballet, and I just couldn’t be bothered. I was doing these ridiculously half hearted stretches and wishing I was at home. In the end I did warm up properly, because I knew I would just injure myself if I didn’t, and actually when we got going it was quite fun. We were working on the pas de deux section for the first time, and I have done very little in the way of pas de deux before, so I had to really concentrate on it, as some of the lifts were really quite complicated. I was really quite stressed and self conscious before we started that I was going to be too heavy for him to be able to lift me properly, and it would be really awkward, but he must be very strong as he didn’t seem to have any problems.

I am going to the theatre tonight with my mum. I don’t really feel like it, but I booked it before I was feeling like this, so I didn’t know I would be in a hibernating mood by now. I am sure it will be good and I will enjoy it – I just feel like I want to stay at home at the moment. I don’t have any more rehearsals this week, so that is one good thing – I don’t have to go out any other evenings. Or days come to that. In fact, I probably don’t actually have to leave the house until next Monday after tonight. That feels like a good thing at the moment. I am really missing L though. I am struggling a lot, and it is really difficult not having her to talk to. And I am worried about her, because it must be something quite serious for her to be off for a second week. I really hope that she is ok, and that she is back soon.

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>London Day

>I made it to London. Just. I very nearly cancelled. By last night I was getting quite stressed about it, even though it was only about 2 hours after I had arranged it, and I woke up this morning and just didn’t want to go. I was pretty stressed. I decided to use my usual decision making technique – weigh myself, and if it had gone down then I would go, or at least get ready to so I could decide later, and if it had gone up I wasn’t leaving the house. It had gone down, so I went off to shower etc. Getting out of the house was a bit of a nightmare – I was supposed to leave at quarter past 11, but it ended up being 12 when I left. Those 45 minutes were spent getting increasingly frustrated and upset at not being able to find anything to wear that I felt comfortable in. Everything I put on I just felt enormous in, and so kept changing, and then had a bit of a cry because I felt so horrible about myself. I finally ended up in the second outfit I had tried on, which was very boring – black linen trousers and a black top, but I decided I would rather look boring than wear something I would feel even more enormous in. But yes, that made me pretty late. And then in the car on the way to the station I really did not want to go – I was basically just having one long panic attack, and I desperately wished I had cancelled. I had a Diazepam, and in the end I texted G to see if she had already left or not, because if she hadn’t I was just going to turn around and go home. I said that I was on my way to the station, but had a nightmare getting out the house due to clothes, and was very anxious so might be pretty crap company. She replied saying that if I didn’t feel up to it then she would completely understand, and that she was on her way and would love to see me, but that if I felt crap I wouldn’t enjoy it, and to let her know what I wanted to do. The Diazepam had started to kick in by that point, and her text made me feel a bit better too, so I decided I would go.

I met up with her at Leicester Square, and she had already been to TKTS and bought our tickets for the show, so we headed pretty much straight off to that, although we did pop into a shop so that G could buy some sweets to take into the theatre! The show was excellent. We had wanted to go this week, as Tamsin Outhwaite, who is playing Charity, was on holiday this week, and we both wanted to see her understudy rather than her ideally. It was a really good production – Tiffany Graves, who was playing Charity, was absolutely perfect for the part, she was really great. The cast overall was really strong actually – there wasn’t much to criticise. Fantastic choreography – was interesting to see Sweet Charity without Fosse choreography, although I absolutely love Fosse and did miss it a little at times. But it was just a very good production. It was quite funny because during the first Act I kept thinking how brilliant Josefina Gabrielle’s body was, and how jealous I was of it, and the first thing G said to me in the interval was ‘How good is Josefina Gabrielle’s body?!’

After the show we popped into a couple of shops – there was a CD I wanted to buy, and some black footless tights for dance, and then we headed off for dinner. We were going to Pizza Express, which was hard in terms of high calorie food, but then there isn’t really a lot that I could eat out and feel comfortable with. I wasn’t feeling too dreadful after my main course, but then we had dessert and that was just too much, and I couldn’t cope with it, and I did purge. I really wasn’t intending to, but when I had eaten it I just couldn’t deal with the feeling and the taste etc. I suspect G knew that I did, or at least suspected, but she didn’t say anything thank goodness. I do love G – she is great. I am glad I went in the end, despite how stressed and anxious I was this morning. I couldn’t have done it without Diazepam, but I guess that is what it is for.

I am worried about what my weight will be in the morning. I know it will have gone up, but I am just really scared as to how much by. Tomorrow will be difficult too, as I have a dance class in the morning, so I am back to the 2/3 meals a day thing, which is hard. Which just leaves Friday and Saturday to try and lose, so there is absolutely no way I will get my 2lbs this week. Thinking about that makes me wish I hadn’t gone to London today, as if I had stayed home I wouldn’t have eaten nearly as much, and I would have lost weight tomorrow rather than gained, and at the moment that seems more important than anything else. Bit worried about my throat. It has still been hurting, and I have a singing lesson tomorrow, and I couldn’t afford to cancel it as I have this audition on Sunday, so I need to sort out what I am singing. Purging won’t have helped that, but it is the sore throat from this cold that is a bigger problem – I am still very husky, and it is still sore. I will just have to take it easy tomorrow I suppose. I really hope I haven’t gained too much. I am scared.

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>Insert Title…

>I felt a bit better again today, but I didn’t go to dance this morning, because I thought suddenly getting up and jumping around might make me feel a bit ill, and I didn’t want to go 20 miles there are back and not feel up to dancing, so I went back to sleep instead. I had an appointment with L at half 1, which was good. She is referring me to the team Psychologist for an assessment – possibly just to look at what direction we should be working in etc, or possibly to see the Psychologist for a while – I suspect it would be for CAT, which is usually 16 sessions, as I think they more or less just do that and CBT, and L knows my views on CBT. I wish I could have DBT, as I would really like to try it, but nowhere in my area does it, and they don’t offer long term psychotherapy either.

I had rehearsal tonight for Carousel. It was a dance rehearsal – I was learning the opening section for the very long dance section in it. My shins are hurting a bit, as the floors there are hideous – they are just concrete. I tweaked the choreography a little (quite a lot…) as the choreographer didn’t seem to mind. There was a bit of a horrible suprise at rehearsal in that I had to be measured for my costume, which I wasn’t expecting, and would have seriously freaked out about had I known in advance. The trouble is, the show isn’t until October, and I have absolutely no intention of being this size by then, but I couldn’t really tell them to measure me and then subtract 2 inches from all the measurements as I plan to be that much smaller by then?! Although hopefully it won’t matter too much, as it is my bottom half I really need to lose weight from, and I will be in a dress, so the bust and waist measurements should really be the only relevant ones, and although they are bigger than I want them to be, it is my hips and thighs that are the real issue, and the problem when it comes to buying clothing etc. My bust doesn’t change too much really – at the moment I am a 32C, and when I was at my smallest I was a 32B, so that isn’t a big issue. My waist is 2 inches bigger than it was when I was at my smallest, but I don’t have too much of an issue with my top half really, or at least as small an issue as I can have with any part of my body (except my feet – I like my feet!). I need to lose 3 inches off my hips, and 2 inches off each thigh though. When I lose weight it always comes off my waist first, thighs last. Which is unfortunate as my thighs are my most hated body part. I am thinking quite seriously about getting liposuction on them.

I have said I will go to London to meet up with a friend tomorrow. I haven’t seen her for about a year, so it will be lovely to see her, but I am quite anxious about it. I haven’t been to London for quite a few months – I used to go all the time, and then I started getting more and more anxious about it, and I also started having real issues with planning things in advance, so both this time and the last time I went to London I just arranged it the day before. I had a little freak out about it tonight, but apparently I do that every time I go to London according to my mum. She says that I spend the whole car journey to the station saying how anxious I am and asking if I will be ok, which I didn’t know I did, but apparently so. So she has told me I will be fine. Which I will. And it will be really good to see G because I love G. She is really good fun. Pretty crazy, but not in a mental health way – she is one of relatively few friends I have who don’t have any MH problems, but she is fairly eccentric in a lot of ways. So we are going to meet up, and try and get tickets for the matinee of Sweet Charity, and then go out for a meal after. A meal is obviously something of an issue at the moment, but meals are good opportunities to sit and chat, and I couldn’t really spend the whole day in London without eating. I am kind of hoping I get the opportunity to purge it – I wish I wasn’t thinking like that, and I really need to try not to, because I have a singing lesson Thursday and an audition Sunday, and purging always hurts my throat, which is sore anyway from being ill, but I am scared about how much weight I will gain if I don’t. Food is so damn scary. I shouldn’t plan to go out for a meal and purge it – that is not what people do. People go out for meals and enjoy them. How hard I find it will probably depend quite a lot on what my weight is like in the morning. If I have gained then I will find it really hard to eat without purging, as gaining 2 days running would be awful, but if I have lost then I might be ok. I am trying to focus on the positives of seeing my friend, and going to the theatre, and not thinking about the negatives of scary eating and food and weight and getting the train to London and all that sort of thing. I will be ok. Diazepam is my friend….

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>My Friends

>I didn’t self harm yesterday. Unfortunately it wasn’t because I decided against it, but because my blades appear to have disappeared off the face of the planet. Well either that or my mum came across them at some point and took them without saying anything. That is possibly more likely than them disappearing by themselves. But it pissed me off. I searched for them really thoroughly, but they really aren’t anywhere. I was pissed off and tried briefly to cut with something else, but I only like my blades – nothing else cuts it (excuse the pun!). They were special blades, for craft or something – they looked like double edged mens razor blades (except without the funny cut out bit in the middle), but with only one side, which made it easier, as I know I would end up slicing my fingers if I attempted to use double edged blades. They were perfect. I am very sad they have disappeared. I know I rarely used them, but I need them to be there when I do want them, and now I know that they aren’t I desperately feel a need to replace them. The problem is the place I got them from no longer seems to have them, and I am not sure where I can get a good replacement. I am scouring Amazon.

I went to the theatre earlier, to see a play about BPD. It was interesting. Some bits were quite difficult to watch because it felt a bit close to home, but some bits I wasn’t sure about – it sometimes seemed like it was more about a psychotic illness, and although I know that some people with BPD may hear voices or see things, it isn’t really a typical feature. It was interesting to watch though. I went with my friend who I have mentioned before, who is under the same CMHT as me, and it was quite funny because the majority of the CMHT were also in the audience (including L), which was just a bit weird. It is strange seeing people out of context like that, although I did know that some of them would be there, as L had already told me that she was going. There was a Q&A session afterwards, with the cast, a psychologist who had been involved in it, and the playwright/director. Some people asked some quite interesting questions. Overall it was quite an interesting evening. I may write more about it tomorrow when I have had more time to process it all.

I have my ENT appointment tomorrow for my voice. I really am dreading it! I am just such a wuss, and so squeamish, and I don’t want a stupid bloody tube stuck down my nose. I know I won’t be able to sleep properly for stressing about it. I just need to keep thinking that this is something I have to do to get my voice sorted out, so I can sing properly again. Gahhh!

Oh, and in good news, my weight is down a bit. Not much, I have only lost a few lbs, but I have now managed to get past last saturday – my weight is now 0.2lbs lower than it was last saturday, which means it has taken 4 days to lose 1.2lbs, which is pretty slow going, but I am trying to look on the positive side. And really hope it keeps going down. Even thought it frustrates me when it goes down so slowly, it still makes me feel like I am achieving something when I am losing weight, and I need that feeling of achievement at the moment.

Oh, and for anyone wondering how on earth the title relates to the rest of my post, in Sweeney Todd, but the genius Stephen Sondheim, Sweeney sings a song called My Friends to his razors. It is a beautiful song, I recommend you listen to it. But not the Johnny Depp version. Johnny Depp is gorgeous and sexy, but he can’t sing Sondheim like George Hearn can!

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